Then, it hit me.

(WRITTEN ON SATURDAY)

          Last night was a hard night for me. I realized something big. Well, mostly...don't do something you've been contemplating/ dreading for around 3 or so months and then afterwards, go to a huge social event. Right, I went to the game immediately following. I don't know how to describe how I feel right now. It's a funny thing when your own actions shock you. I'm finding that that's happening a lot to me. And it's scary. I'm not the same as I was in June, that's long time, sure. But then again it really isn't. Everyday I'm changing. Nothing is constant.
         I look for consistency in relationships, something I know in the back of my head that I shouldn't be doing. I try to think of what happened to make my life this way. Not in a sad way, just in a what the fuck happened kind of way.

Like I said, I make no sense.