And if you gaze for long into an abyss,

the abyss gazes also into you.

This is a good thing. I feel better living where I do now. Not in a sense that my new place is better/worse. People like to feel connected, and I'm no different.

Thus far, my fall break has been spent in Arkansas. I had a lot more fun there than I had originally thought that I would. I wanted to stay here, in Owasso, and hang out with people. But the thing is if I had I know that I would have done the same thing I always do and not have gone anywhere.

I don't know what you feel like, but I do know my own feelings. I miss being in control of these situations and always being like, I know what is going to happen, but how often does anyone really ever know? Right now there are things that I wouldn't like to see happen. That is selfishness, and I'm aware. At the same time I feel like i don't care what necessarily happens, I just want to know that it has.

If that makes any sense to anyone at all.

Build A Wall Of Books Between Us.

Today was one of the weirdest days I've experienced in a while. Everyone was in a odd mood from the cold weather. The all around "school day" was alright. After school...not so much.
No more yelling fights in high school parking lots.
No more jealousy for no reason.
No more wasting my time.
I'm feeling optimistic about my grades, at least. I find myself wishing i could transfer this optimism into some other realm of my life.
I don't see what it is about me that makes me compare everything. Now, this isn't to say like i compare myself. But I get so frustrated. I'm a little sad I didn't pick the EDGE contest as my commercial thing for tech. Instead I chose to make a public service announcement. I hate that I am unintentionally like that.
I don't know what I want.

Ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out. I wish I knew.

I pray to god you won't

come back here anymore.
Do you pray with him, too?

This has been one fucking crazy week. I feel like I'm never going to move away. Everytime we're almost set on a place, my mom changes her mind. It's driving me nuts.
Despite me trying in school, it seems like I can't get my grades up. I make stupid mistakes that cost big.
I feel like this year is like me walking in the fog. I can't see what's right in front of me and when I turn around, I know something is behind me, but I'm missing that too.