I don't want to let you go

but it hurts my hands to hold the rope.

I'm sick of fucking up my own life for you. I know things won't have some happy ending. I honestly don't even feel like there is any feeling I do have for you. CALLOUS. That's what I feel. Numb. Comfortably..of course.

So I fucked up today and decided I'd stop being a goody for once. You brought me lunch. You waited for my late tech bus. But I'm done.
I know there's love. I mean I know it exists. I just don't think I can believe that you love me. You love the idea of me and the fact that I'm a huge challenge. Challenges like me stopping wanting to do "bad" things, not believing in God, not wanting to drive that badly, being not open.

I don't know. Fuck it all.

Today was the oddest day I've had in a while. I had a substitute in tech which meant we went into the editing rooms and did nothing all day. So we all kind of bonded and talked about shit from like bone cancer to what we want to do as adults. School. That's just..school. I got detention. Then I went to Tulsa with my sister.
I saw someone I really missed! Now we have matching bracelets!!! I had sushi.

The End